


Breath in My Lungs

by dt01



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 23:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3187697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dt01/pseuds/dt01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a little coda to episode 5.4 after the whole thing with Danny's brother. I really wanted to get at the fact that they really take comfort in each other in the worst of times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breath in My Lungs

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta so I'm sorry if things aren't perfect but it should be alright.

It was late when they got off the plane. Close to 1 am. They’d both cleaned up. They couldn’t very well return from Columbia covered in blood and grime. Danny had a daughter to come home to and that meant he couldn’t show that anything had happened. He couldn’t let weakness seep through any cracks in his armor. He had to put it on, solid and strong. Gear up for what happens next. He had even put a tie back on. He knows Steve thinks it’s some sort of coping mechanism and you know what? Maybe it is. Maybe everything he’d just suffered was causing him to revert back immediately to what he considers comfortable, safe, and sturdy. Something he can cling to just like he’d clung to it when he’d first arrived in Hawaii. 

He doesn’t plan to tell Grace about Matty yet. It’s too soon for him. He doesn’t think his heart could handle it and when he does tell her he has to be ready to be strong for her. Tonight is not the night for that kind of strength. He hopes she’s sleeping peacefully and doesn’t even wake up when they return to Steve’s place. Kono and Chin are there waiting for them and looking after her. If she’s awake he supposes they’ll go home..if she’s asleep, well he’ll just crash at Steve’s place for the night. He just…he won’t say it out loud but he needs his family right now. His “Ohana” as they’re so fond of saying.

He rests his cheek against the window as Steve starts up the car and takes a deep breath. They’re both exhausted out of their minds. They really should’ve had someone come pick them up instead of driving themselves home but Steve is stubborn and insisted he was fine. Not that Danny’s not stubborn himself, of course, he knows that. If he wasn’t stubborn he wouldn’t have killed Reyes. He blinks hard and fast, shakes his head a little, and rubs at his eyes to clear his mind of the memory.

Steve looks over at him and tries to give him a small, reassuring, smile but Danny can’t return it. He just sits and stares out the window. Then when that proves to leave him too lost in his own thoughts he turns and stares at Steve. He watches Steve for five minutes and notices the man’s eyes start to droop a little. The least he can do is help the man out so he clears his throat and says, “Talk to me. Tell me something. I can tell you’re tired and I don’t want to be in my own head right now.”

Steve nods and pauses like he’s thinking about what to say. “Listen,” he finally sighs out. “I’ve seen some really nasty shit Danny. Hell, I’ve been through nasty shit, what with my dad and stuff overseas, you know, but I just..” He stops and let’s out a frustrated growl, swiping a hand across his face. He’s tired and worried and disgusted to his very core. He tries not to even think about how pissed off he is because he knows from experience that’s a dangerous road to travel down. He’s shaken. God, that’s what it is. He’s absolutely, legitimately shaken. He feels bad about it too. His team needs him to be strong. Danny needs him to be strong. He should be calm, collected, and focused like he’s on a case. Ready and willing to pick up any pieces. But how can he do that if he’s in pieces himself? He feels guilty about it. This is not his pain to feel or his burden to bear.

"Danny, man, I’m sorry. All those years of ridiculous training and on this one damn night I can’t keep my shit together."

"It’s okay," Danny says softly but sincerely. "I know we’re both tired. It’s been hell Steve. I get it." And he does, he really does. Nobody can be tough all the time. Not even, Super Seal McGarrett. He knows Steve’s pissed too. Almost as pissed as Danny. "At least you admitted your training was ridiculous. I’ll count that as a win."

Steve chuckles fondly and Danny’s glad. He wants Steve to understand that he understands. This has been hard for both them. There’s silence again and Danny’s thoughts start to stray back to Columbia. There’s a big fucking knot in his chest and he presses his fist hard against it, hoping the pressure will make it unwind itself. It doesn’t. He glances around the car and realizes that nothing feels real right now. He feels like he’s floating through a nightmare and it’s past time to wake up. He looks at Steve again. Steve is grounding to him. Even if everything else is falling apart around him Steve is always his constant. Tall, of earth and ocean, one with the universe and all that crap. That’s his Steve, even when Steve doesn’t think or believe it himself. He watches Steve’s torso rise and fall slowly with his breath. He can barely make it out in the dark of the car but he tries to match his breathing to his friends as best as he can. It’s sort of hypnotizing just watching him breathe and Danny’s thankful. It’s something to distract him, something to focus on.

Another few minutes pass and he doesn’t even notice when Steve starts to pull the car over but he does notice that Steve’s chest starts to sort of hitch with his breath. It’s moving faster and faster and Danny thinks, that’s not right. That’s a sign of distress. He looks up at Steve’s face and is slightly taken aback to find that he can see it clearly because the car has stopped moving and they’ve pulled over under a bright street lamp. He’s about to say something, ask what’s going on, when Steve turns towards him in his seat and opens his mouth to speak.

"Danny," Steve’s voice cracks when he says the name and something makes Danny want to reach out and touch him, reassure him, comfort him, or something. But he doesn’t. He lets Steve finish speaking. "Danny, I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make it better. I wish I could take all this away from you somehow because you always catch the short end of the stick and it’s not fair. It’s just not fair. I just…I love you okay. I mean I really love you, and this wasn’t supposed to happen to you. Not to you. Anyone but you."

Danny presses his fists into his eyes and tries not to cry. He’s feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the fact that his brother is gone but also overwhelmed by Steve in this moment. He sucks in a breath and opens the car door, stepping out. He leans back inside to motion for Steve to do the same and his friend does. Steve unfolds himself from the driver’s seat and slams the door shut before he quickly walks around the car to Danny’s side.

Danny just waves his hands around in some silent rant and points his finger into Steve’s chest. Steve looks confused for a second before Danny finally says, “You have the worst timing McGarrett.”

But he grabs a fistful of Steve’s shirt and pulls him in for a kiss anyway. Their lips crash together but Steve turns it soft and sweet. He presses his lips gently to Danny’s and it’s everything Danny could’ve ever asked for in the way of comfort. Steve wraps his arms around Danny’s smaller frame and just pulls him in. Surrounds him with strength and love. Danny wraps his arms around Steve’s neck and deepens the kiss. 

Somehow, somehow, in all of this horror and guilt and trauma, Steve can still make Danny feel brand new. He can wash away the pain of the past few days, if only for a few moments, and put the breath back in Danny’s lungs. The kiss is everything he’d imagined it would be and more and when he pulls away and spends a few minutes crying softly into Steve’s shoulder, Steve clutches at him like he’ll never let him go and it’s still perfect.

Yes, Danny lost his baby brother and it’s devastating. It’s more pain that he knows how to deal with. But in all of this, he gained something he’s been wanting for a long time. He finally has Steve. He finally has his partner in his arms, where he belongs.


End file.
